Day 4 (Kind Of): Why Bathrooms Are Terrifying, & The Rules Of Survival

Girls cannot go to the bathroom alone. It’s a proven fact. Guys make fun of us for it, we make fun of us for it, everybody makes fun of us for it. But the terrifying nature of bathrooms has been instilled in us all from a young age. How you may ask?

Way Numero Uno: Hermione Granger Vs. The Troll

Hermione was just hiding out in the bathroom all day because some boy had hurt her feelings and then some troll just decides to barge in like he owns the place and tries to smash Hermione’s head in with his gigantic club, and I can’t help but be reminded of this:


but that’s totally not the point. The point is EVEN J.K. ROWLING IS AGAINST SINGLE PERSON BATHROOM TRIPS.

Reason Number Two: Psycho.

If little Miss. Sticky Fingers hadn’t decided to go off on her own to a creepy old hotel in the middle of nowhere and taken a shower while no one else was around, she wouldn’t’ve been murdered. Granted, she’d be in prison, but hey. Maybe she’d go all Shawshank. Even if you weren’t “raised” on Hitchcock movies, anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock knows what happens when she gets in the shower. Mija gets stabbed, like, a gagillion times and bleeds out on the bathroom floor.

Reason Number Three: Things In The Plumbing.

Ever heard a story about the pipes that had not one scary character in it? Hmm? Nope. All stories having to do with sewers are either ment to terrify you or star mice voiced by Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet.

Reason Numero Four: Stalls.

Stalls are meant to provide privacy…until they’re there to keep whatever creepy monster that is lurking just outside the door out. I for one have always been the type to picture, like, some terrifying monster standing right outside the door ready to sink it’s razor sharp teeth into my neck the moment I walk out. Or that they would just get impatient and climb over the door and kill me (what a way to go).

Here’s the sad part – I’ve always been like this. My imagination has led to many horribly scary monsters plotting my demise, and not just in the bathroom. These creature lurk under my bed, in my closet, outside my window, and in my living room. I would look at a movie or book cover with a scary-ish monster on it, and BANG. It was gonna kill me, I just knew it. So, like any rational human being, I would come up with rules.

Rule Number One: If the only thing that the monster can see is my head, I’m safe. You would not believe how many nights I laid in bed sweating under heavy sheets because I decided that if the only thing the vampire outside of my bedroom window could see was my head then he couldn’t get me.

Rule Number Two: Sing. I don’t know why, but this is something that is actually common to people who are in fear of something. They sing to keep it away. But, funny story, when I was in fifth grade and I had to go anywhere by myself, I would sing. Now, I’m mature enough that I just deal with it and pray in my head that there isn’t a Death Eater standing outside of the door waiting to kill me.

And now I’m starting to hear birds outside my window, so it’s time for me to try and catch some shuteye. I’ll probably finish this post tomorrow/today at some point. Peace out.


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